Oh, You're Still Not Over It?

A brief insight into why "getting over it" isn't as easy as you think.

This is so true. Thank you so much Glitter and Grief for this meme.

There seems to be a grey blurry line between when it's OK to grieve and when you're expected to "snap out of it".

I spent a long time covering up how I really felt because I felt so judged, people asking what had happened because I was seemingly doing so well. I wasn't, I was just good at putting on a brave face.

It is something that I found really difficult when my husband died - everyone was full of kindness and allowed me to cry, they recognised that my pain was because I was grieving.

There comes a time when that kindness fades into something that feels very judgemental, and a bit of an eye roll. A "here she goes again" sort of moment because I didn't want to go out for a meal because I'd last been to that place with my husband. "You need to move on" was a phrase I heard very early on, as early as 2 weeks after his death. I remember being told I needed to move on because I'd said I wasn't planning to put a Christmas tree up, because celebrating without him felt heartbreaking.

Move on you say? A million widows and widowers all over the world will shout a resounding no, as well as anyone who has felt a significant loss in their life too.

Grief has no timeframe. There is no stop watch to tell you when you need to stop, the timeframe is set by you. Take all the time you need, and never let anyone but YOU guide your journey. The path is yours, and yours alone to make.

Helping Others Understand

This. This wonderful TED talk gives a very succinct and candid view on how to approach grief.

"A grieving person is going to laugh again and smile again, they're going to move forward. But that doesn't mean that they've moved on'". Nora McInerny

Be there, be present, be kind, and listen.

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