I'll Tell You What We Want

I have always found it very difficult when non grievers tried to pull me out of, and away from my grief. Some of them wanted the best for me, and wanted me to feel OK, some of them just thought I could snap out of it, others just felt their toxic positivity would help.

Whatever their reasons or motivations, I wish they could have understood that my grief wasn't something I chose to feel. I'd lost my best friend and soul mate, I was grieving all the things I'd lost, so no, grief was not a choice. It was just a very natural reaction to having your heart shattered in to a million pieces.

I just wanted them to hear me, I needed them to sit and listen without judgement, and without any attempts to make me feel that my loss was a lesser loss, I was often told "at least he had a good life, look at the babies with cancer". Yes, that's heartbreakingly sad, all grief is, but you can't compare them, my loss hurt me to my very core.

My grief may not had been understood by all, but just to be given the time to talk, to be heard, and to be properly listened to, it was all I needed.

Helping Others Understand

It can be very hard to watch people you care about suffer. All you want, is for them to feel happy. Unfortunately grief doesn't work that way, and sometimes words just aren't needed. Just being there is enough, listening to what they're saying, allowing them time to really talk to you. I know this can be very uncomfortable, seeing them cry and talk about their pain is hard, but imagine how they're feeling - they're having to live with these feelings and emotions every day, so just give them some time, really listen, and just be there.

I promise you, it will mean the world to them.

Just be there, be present, be kind and listen.

Meme credit: https://tinybuddha.com/

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