I Will Always Miss you

This meme is so true.

I often have a sense that my husband is around. When he first died, I searched desperately for signs that he was with me, and they never appeared. I honestly don't think I was ready for them, looking back, I think they would have been distressing. Now, I welcome them, and seeing a feather drop on my head or at my feet makes him feel close.

I really miss his touch. He had this really calming influence over me. I've always been highly strung and anxious, and he did this thing where he'd just put his hand on the base of my neck, and I'd just feel the warmth of his hand radiate over my neck, and it had an oddly calming and soothing effect on me.

When I get wound up now, without thinking, my palms reach for the back of my neck, just like he would have done. I think it is a self soothing thing that just happened without very much thought.

I miss how he would put a protective arm around me crossing the road.

I miss how he would always turn to me at night, kiss my forehead, tell me he loved me more, pat my head (because it annoyed me, it always made him laugh, which made me laugh) and say goodnight.

I miss how he'd hold my hand, his fingers laced in mine, and his other hand cupped over both our hands, as if he was keeping us both safe somehow.

I miss the hugs.

I miss his touch.

I miss him. All of him.

That will never stop.

I will miss him until the day I die.

Image credit: Benjamin Allen - theafterloss.com

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