It's Not Just About Death

Grief isn't just about dying. It's so much more.

You grieve the loss of yourself - grief changes you, you lose the "us" and "we" and you have to reinvent yourself as a "me" and "I". It is not easy.

You grieve the loss of all the memories you won't make. For me, what I really grieved was the loss of photos. I was always taking photos of us, and now I never take photos of myself, so for the last 8 years, it's almost felt like I don't really exist.

You grieve for all those future plans, all those things you thought you'd do together when you're older or retired, all those exciting plans - just stolen from you.

You grieve all those times when you just need to tell them something, and they're not there. That exciting news you had to share, that time you needed their advice, or support, or comfort - they never hear you. That said, it never stops me telling him, or talking out loud.

You grieve all those amazing times you shared, time now stands still and you can't have any more amazing times with them.

Nothing but memories.

Memories are precious and beautiful, so it's a blessing we have them, but hey guess what, no more for us.

Writing that brought a deep pain in my heart because I remember how every single one of those felt when they first hit.

Grief is not just because they died, it's because of all the other things that died when they did.

Grief is not simple, it is truly complicated, and if you're struggling, that is absolutely ok, it's normal, and there is so much support out there if you need it.

If I had a magic wand to heal you all, I would, all I have are hugs and strength coming your way......

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