Numbered Days

Another beautiful quote from the amazing author, John Green.

"You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful".

I love this. I can really relate to this.

When I first met my husband, he was terminally ill. I knew this, and not once did it cross my mind that I wouldn't fall in love with him for fear of what would happen in the future.

I was living in the now, I loved him, and I knew I wanted to marry him on our second date.

I just jumped right in. Within 6 weeks of us getting together, he was blue lighted to hospital and I was told he probably wouldn't make it. but he did.

It was a terrifying experience, it happened so often, I'd hear the words and they'd just stop my breath. My heart would race and I felt full of fear. A cold dread filled every fibre of my being as I waited for them to tell me he was ok.

We always knew his time on the planet was limited, so this is why we made sure that every single day we had together counted. Our weekends and evenings were full of adventures, driving to places we'd never been, travelling to see friends and family around the UK as often as we could. There were many days when he was too ill to do anything, so we either snuggled in bed, him wrapped safely in my arms, or we'd eat together at the table, or maybe a picnic on the floor and a board game.

We tried to make something amazing happen in every day. I told him at every opportunity how much I loved him, and he did the same. We never slept on an argument, because I was always so terrified that he might not wake up the next day, and I'd live the rest of my life knowing he'd gone to bed feeling cross. Life just isn't worth that aggro.

We were only together 4 and half years, but we fitted a lifetime of memories into that time, and travelled the world as much as we could, and it was beautiful. Everything we did was with intent. People often say how much we fitted into such a short space of time, and we did, because we knew we were trying to fit our forever in to a number of days.

Many say that my loss isn't the same as others who might have had 10, 20, 30, 40 or 50 years together. I totally disagree. We knew death was on our timeline, we knew it would happen, because over time his health just got worse, so we made every second count.

We fitted a lifetime of memories into those numbered days, and I truly feel blessed.

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