I am not a religious person, but I am spiritual I guess, if I needed to put a label on my belief system.
I don't believe in heaven, or the idea that he'd be watching me from a cloud. He was wholeheartedly an Atheist, and always said that if he walked in to a church, he'd fear for his life and bursting in to flames. He made me promise that there would be no religious aspect in his funeral at all, so I used a Humanist celebrant, we had no church service, a simple graveside burial without the fuss, and a celebration of his life after the burial.
It was done just as he would have wanted.
I digress, sorry, I do love a bit of a ramble in a story.
So no angels are watching over me.
I get great comfort from seeing a white feather land in my path, or a little robin who stops to engage with me. I've had a bumblebee land on my hand too. All have made me feel deeply connected to him, I don't know how or why, it just gives me a sense of comfort, that he is there somehow, and watching over me as I carry on with my life, trying to make him proud.
If you haven't had such experiences, don't lose hope. I didn't experience anything like this for quite a while. I don't think I was ready. I truly think that in those early months, feeling a connection to him without him being there would have felt difficult.
Now those experiences make me smile, and I feel a sense of warmth and inner peace. The other thing that brings me comfort is sunshine. It feels like he's sending a warm blanket over me to keep me safe.
I feel a bit bonkers writing this down, but I truly believe that if something brings you comfort and puts a smile on your face, no matter how briefly, that's a good thing. Don't question, just accept.
Sending lots of love your way, dear friend x