Going Crazy?

You're not crazy. You won't go crazy. You never were. You never will.

Although grief would have you believing that you were losing the plot. I remember feeling so alone, as a thirty something, no one my age had experienced the death of their husband, and I felt so alone.

No one else got it, I felt like I was sat on a cloud, watching the world pass by, unable and unwilling to join in, it felt like everything that had been normal before, would never be normal again, but I didn't want to have to think about what my new normal would become in the future. I didn't want a new normal. I wanted my normal. The normal that included him.

I remember when I first joined WAY, it was a huge comfort to find people who got it too. But soon, even the safe walls I'd found there left me feeling I was doing this whole grief thing wrong. I spoke with others at the same stage of grief who were in new relationships and finding ways to move forward with their life - I couldn't do that. Or those that hadn't managed to return back to work, yet here I was, back in work.

Was I doing this wrong? Was I healing too slow? Too quick? Was I losing the plot because I'd spent 72 hours solid writing down every text message he'd ever sent me? Was I callous because I'd donated all his clothes to charity within 8 weeks of his death? Was it OK that I'd kept a fridge full of food weeks past the sell by date because it was his food?

It felt like I was flitting between two polar opposites and it was exhausting. I felt like I didn't know myself anymore.

Why was this happening?

The only answer I needed was right under my nose. I was grieving. I wasn't crazy. The weight felt lifted from my shoulders.

Grief does things to you that no one ever tells you about. We just need to learn and accept this, and it makes the whole journey feel less terrifying, if that's even possible.

Helping Others Understand

It is never going to be easy to understand something that you've not experienced, but even trying to put yourself in the shoes of the person who is going through bereavement can be helpful. Perhaps just reading these posts will help you to realise that the griever isn't alone in all the things they're thinking and feeling, it's fair to say grief really messes with your head, and just being present, and offering support can be just what they need.

Just listen, be present, and be kind.

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