Without You

After the funeral, for most people, this is their closure. They've said goodbye, paid their respects, drunk a few drinks in their honour, and go home.

For most, that's them done.

When someone you really love has died, the funeral is just the start. From every day onwards, it hurts.

The pain still stands. You've dealt with most of the paperwork and logistics stuff, and now it's you, and your life without them.

How on earth do you manage to carry on without them?

The thing that many non grievers don't understand is the level at which your life is now so different.

That level is not superficial, it's the deepest wound you could ever imagine. It cuts so deep, you truly do wonder how on earth you ever recover.

When you wake, you're immediately aware you're alone, and when you lie in bed, you know you're going to sleep without the person you love. Every part of your life that they touched, is now shattered.

Everything is different, and life will never be the same again. Just those words, never the same again, bring a chill to my heart. I remember feeling this once the fog had lifted after the funeral, and I just thought to myself, "what now?"

Exactly. What now?

We do our best to carry on, with them tucked safely in our hearts, that what we do.

The fact we survive every day makes us amazing. It hurts, hell yeah, but we do it. We're strong, we're survivors, we're brave, courageous and we never give up.

Every day you're reminded of their absence, that moment you wake, and you realise they're not there next to you. It's hard. So damn hard.

Doesn't mean to say we always want to be strong, but we do our best to keep going. I do it for him, I do it to make him proud, to make myself proud. I do it because there's no alternative. I live life for two people now, so he can live through my eyes and share my adventures.

Long may those adventures continue.

I hope that I make him proud.

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