The wonderful Jane Austen wrote:
"and sometimes I have kept my feelings to myself because I could find no language to describe to describe them in."
Wow. Jane, you hit the nail right on the head.
I have always found great comfort in her words, because if this prolific wordsmith couldn't find a way to describe her feelings, it just felt like a huge comfort.
That's one of the hardest things about grief. Being able to identify and name the things you're feeling.
For me, I have always found great comfort in understanding my grief. There have been so many times when I've felt something and not understood, everything just gets lumped in to the "it's just grief" bucket, but actually, grief is complex, and there are so many ways that grief can impact you, physically, psychologically, and of course emotionally.
It really is a headwrecker.
I felt so much anger after the death of my husband. I felt so many people, both professional and family/friends really let him down.
Everything felt like it was under a magnifying glass. I've honestly never felt anger like it. At the time, it was very hard to see that the anger was all part of my grieving process. Being angry gave me a place to put all the sadness I was feeling. I've always really struggled to find a way to explain this, but it felt that I put my sadness and worries in to a cement mixer and it just came out as anger.
Anyway, I digress and ramble.
The point of this post was to highlight that sometimes, it's so hard to find the words to express how you feel. Everything can feel so muddled, because you're just feeling so many things. Feeling frightened about the future, feeling alone, feeling scared, feeling angry, feeling like you can't go on, feeling anxious, feeling relieved that they're out of pain, but then feeling guilty for even thinking that, feeling hopeless and full or despair, and actually, feeling nothing. The list could go on, couldn't it?
I've always felt that tears have been my "words" when I can't find the actual words. They allow a place for the pain and sadness to go, for the anger to dissipate.
Sending love to you all. I know how hard it can be to express yourself sometimes.